look out, there’s boobs in this post

7 Jun

Parenting creates chasms between people who may have otherwise thought they had some common ground. This is something I am learning the hard way, over and over and over. I don’t mean my childless friends, because they are actually more tolerable than they used to be, in their novelty. Recede from all social activity for almost a year and everything is “cute” — you’re hungover?! Oh, you crazy kid! You overslept and you’ll be 15 minutes late to lunch? HA HA
What I mean is that totally normal people with whom you may have formerly struck up pleasant conversation, say, in line for coffee, now have a reason to share with you their Decisions, and you will almost certainly find them horrifying. You will later relay your conversation to another totally normal person, commenting that you under no circumstances judge other parents but can you believe ____? They will then admit to doing exactly what you described, then repeat the process with someone they think is likeminded but is absolutely not.
The only good thing that I’ve found about this so far is that the people who agree with you and validate your choices are like new crushes. My first parenting crush was Dr. Sears. “Dr. Sears basically says letting your baby cry it out is inhumane,” I proudly announced to Nathan. “Dr. Sears says vaccinations are very important.” “Dr. Sears believes in sharing sleep.” “Dr. Sears thinks this sandwich I just made is excellent.”
The downside is when your parenting crushes betray you, and mine almost all have. Dr. Sears is still going strong, and so is at least one other mama who out-hippies me by a longshot. My most disappointing crush moment came when a mother I thought was cool looked at me in a mixture of grossed-out shock and mortification as I undid my nursing bra and tried to wrangle a flailing, crying, hungry George. I’m sad to say that I instictively said apologetically, “Oh…do you mind?” She looked around to see if anyone was watching and shrugged. “I guess not,” she said. “That’s why I brought a bottle, though.” Instead of telling her to go F herself and feeding my son like I should’ve, I pretended that there was a possibility he wasn’t hungry and staved him off for another ten minutes before we retreated, him hollering and confused, me pissed and flustered.

i told you

We haven’t hung out since.


7 Responses to “look out, there’s boobs in this post”

  1. Bethany June 7, 2010 at 6:55 pm #

    Ah, yes. Isn’t it amazing how uncomfortable a little boob in public can make people. I hope the break-up wasn’t too painful…

    • veryveryfine June 8, 2010 at 6:36 am #

      bethany: well, that post WAS the breakup. so far so good. har har
      your blog is awesome. oliver is so cute. hope to see you guys at kylan & steph’s wedding!

  2. Sheri Rego June 7, 2010 at 10:44 pm #

    I love your blog. And I think that is the most beautiful photo ever!

  3. Autumn June 8, 2010 at 12:39 am #

    Wow, people are so dumb. I go back and forth between being caught off guard by people and acting shy to then brazenly pulling my boobs out the top of my shirt and just going for it, all while flashing a big eff you grin to the nay sayers. I have had more than a few weird other Mama interactions when I thought my feelings about _____(sleep, diapers, solids, washing detergents, babysitters, weird bouncing toys, excessive schedules) would be shared and I was TERRIBLY mistaken. Each time it was heartbreaking. Making Mama friends is hard enough but even harder when there are so many people making, what I deem, bad bad choices. Way to go on feeding your baby normally and on demand. Silly lady putting her kid to a silicon nip for others sake.

    ps. I love your writing. And, that you blog.

    • veryveryfine June 8, 2010 at 6:34 am #

      autumn, i like your writing, too! here, let’s get this outta the way:
      sleeps: with me
      diapers: cloth
      solids: waited, now thinking about starting him on homemade stuff
      detergent: homemade
      babysitters: not like we could afford one anyway
      bouncing toys: we own a johnny jump up (the doorjamb kind) that i think george would drag from the house in the event of a fire. it was a grudging purchase for a boy who wants to stand up 24/7
      schedule: in my dreams. this kid is a born contrarian, and i hate to say he comes by it honestly.

      let’s hang out!

  4. Libby June 8, 2010 at 10:32 am #

    I breast feed franklin at the market every saturday. Kind of awkward for customer service,but proud of it.
    people keep asking me if I hang out with other mamas and I reply I don’t because I’m afraid of the judgments and competition.The asker assumes I’m afraid of being judged. no no no,I’m afraid of being the judge.we really should get together.

    • veryveryfine June 9, 2010 at 4:35 am #

      i am easily the most judgmental person i know, libby. i think the trick is liking the person beforehand, then feeling free to judge their decisions but still like them unless the offense is really major. i think we align pretty well, so let’s get together and judge everyone.

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